pleading temporary insanity

eight days into 'othello' rehearsal and it is far and above the best shakespeare show i've ever worked on.  here's the proverbial thing:  my AD asked me to create a character that is more removed from who i am; wanted to see something different than he's seen.  this got me thinking about the benefits and drawbacks of working in an ensemble. 

 theatre is a very temporary art form: what you create lasts for only a firing of a synapse: (interesting thought: you could exponentially increase your enumerated moments based on the scale of time. is the whole play your one moment?  is that one vowel sound just a portion or your art?)  it is that (unfortunately) all too rare time when the audience is left with a section of time from a play that sits like an afterimage in their brain.  in my years of seeing theatre, i can probably remember only a handful of great 'moments' on stage.  but what i do remember are great work as a whole, great balance, and great stories.  so, what is the pressure we have as actors to create this individualistic art?  is this our ultimate selfish goal, to be personally remembered in a fleeting medium?  i'm talking about feeding the artist beast in this instance, and not the more objective principles of what constitutes good acting (intentions, objectives, listening, etc...)  i want to leave an impression for something that is inherently instant.  that doesn't make sense to me. so what do i want out of it?  how is this selfish desire satiated?

i can't be.

this is where the 'ensemble' becomes so important.  it can never be about your moments, about how clever you are, about your walk, your voice, your choices.  don't strive for this or that, because it's more about cohesion, and creating a unifying story.  try to leave behind the antiquated notion that you will be remembered.  you won't be.  but your show can.   i think sometimes we as actors all need this remember, to take the importance of the self, and put it toward everyone else.  because, frankly, you're about to be stricken from the record if you don't have an ensemble underneath you to lift you up.

in reading this, this sounds a little pedestrian and a little obvious to anyone who's ever taken a class in acting, but let me tell you that remembering that this profession is not about you is a hard thing, an any actor who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.  and it's something i (we) need to always be reminding ourselves of.   it's not about you.  it's not about you.  it's not about you. INAY!

which brings me back to my request from my AD.    to properly synthesize this request based on my current opinions on the craft would probably make me fall apart*.  but my insecurities about character work fall directly about my above manifesto about theatre.  but change is good.

 so my goal throughout the next couple of weeks to to continue to share the process of this character that is "removed" (sic to pretty much every acting lesson ever)  from me.  will it enmesh with the rest of the cast?  will i stand out like a copy of finnegans wake in the 'young adult' section, so incomprehensible and byzantine when all i really want to do is read about are sparkly sexy vampires?

right now, i have a different vocal placement (like scottish but with hard american r's) , horned rimmed glasses, a limited gesture index, a wig, a snappy suit.  dir. wants me to be late 30s.  stillness, pre-occupied, and incredibly well-educated.

IN OTHER NEWS

I got my tickets to joanna newsom.  theatre once again thwarts my attempts to see a real rock n roll show (my morning jacket).  i could go up to pittsburgh to see the hold steady.   i'm considering it.  here's a tribute the the band i can't see.

*i don't know if i'm shedding my skin as a rebirth or being peeled away like an onion toward a finite end.  either way, i'm literally falling directly apart.  my fake tooth came unhinged and my fingernail was ripped off due to another rogue fingernail trying to escape out the side of my right index finger.  i've had dreams where all my teeth fall out recently which all signs point to severe insecurity