the continuing story of bungling billy shakes

'why do i fall in love with every woman i see who gives me the least bit of attention?'
-eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

'i fall in love with someone new practically every day/but that's ok that's just the price i pay/for being a man'
-the divine comedy (band not book)

as with every production i do, i reach a point where i just have no idea what i'm doing.  no idea about anything, supremely no confidence, and supremely serious anxiety about everything that i do.  without fail. every production.  since college.  nothing helps.  nothing can be done.  it's a supreme flaw in my professionalism and personality.  it goes away eventually.

anyway, the 'removal' of gratiano from myself is going poorly.  so so poorly.  trying to plan choices and be someone else from out of the gate is proving disastrous.  i'm going to clean house.  start anew.  tomorrow.  it's scary, but i have to.   i have to work on this role the way i'm best at, not the way someone outside of the process tells me to.