my onion article audition

"Area Man Not Actually Down With O.P.P."

WAUSAU, WI-- On Thursday night, 28 year-old Scott Wakowski realized after the fact that he was actually not "down with O.P.P". "I've heard that song before," said Wakowski, "and never gave it much thought, but now that I have a girlfriend, I don't know how I or Jessica would feel about it." Naughty By Nature's summer jam from 1991 was played at a New Years eve party where he and girlfriend Jessica Ploeger were attending. "Everyone was shouting 'yeah you know me!' with me, too. I mean, do they know they're just allowing infidelity with the ones they love? Just think about the lyrics." Ploeger could not be reached for comment, but sources close to her say that she was and probably will be one of the "every last ladies", despite Wakowski's new-found impressions about the song.